“ it's kind of hard to be born in a mob family. although my family always meant everything to me and we had those good relationships between each other. after my mother’s death everything kind of changed. my father became cruel person without feelings for sure. and all four of monticelli kids were raised by mob-raising-system. I must have been six years old or so when my father remarried and a woman called marzia was now my mother. I kind of secretly adored her hair, her style and the way she possessed my father and other men. she flirted as if she was twenty years old, but she was without doubt forty – still looking gorgeous and nice. I think that that was the time when I decided to live the way my family always lived. to become this good mob wife, taking care of my husband and our kids. my father decided to marry me with a man I fall in love with. he was everything I ever wanted to, I loved him and I wanted to spend my whole life with him.”

“ I wore mother’s lace wedding dress. my father said I looked like her, beautiful and all grown up. I have to admit I was scared, since grown up meant twenty for my father. but deep inside my brain I still thought about my decision that getting married was something I wanted to do. It wasn’t my father who made me do it, it was me. so I said yes and kissed my beloved husband. and the wedding was one of the biggest weddings in whole naples. and I can remember all those happy smiles around me. and in that moment I felt truly happy, although it didn’t last long.”

“ it first got me after a month of our wedding. I was pregnant, pretty excited about it. and so was he. we were both madly in love and waiting for our child to come out. I was sure I was doing everything as I should. i.. I did everything to keep my baby save, but it somehow didn’t happen. I miscarried my child before I could even hold it. and it killed me. it killed my marriage. and all I could think of was this little baby I killed. I knew it was my fault, but he kept convincing me other way.”

“ the only way I could escape from all that chaos was going to america. my father knew how I felt and he gave me some money to escape from him. I knew I broke his heart, but I also broke mine and I couldn’t leave like that anymore. so I just escaped from all of it. america was my back up plan. and I have to admit it kind of complicated my life even more. I can’t forget about him, about our baby. about my old life. it is truly killing me inside. I drink more and more, because it is the only way to get away with my feelings. I work as this fucking waitress and I life my boring pathetic life, waiting for someone to change it. and it seems like I have lack of luck.”